Messy: So this morning started off swimmingly...actually felt exceedingly joyful, energetic, and peaceful. When I got to school, I headed to my mobile as usual, but as I began preparing for the day something didn't feel right. My stomach ached, my head was spinning and heat rushed through my body. I knew I had to get out of my mobile and into the building, but I was afraid I wouldn't make it. I made my way to the building, but had to stop and sit on the pavement. My heart was RaCiNg, and I knew this feeling all too well. The same feeling I had as a freshman in high school before I face planted on the corner of my grandma's coffee table, out cold...
Somehow I pulled it together and made my way into the commons. I MurMuReD words about being sick and needing the bathroom while the head custodian and lunch lady filled me with orange juice, led me in breathing exercises and practically carried me to the bathroom.
I was shocked when minutes later I was feeling MuCh better and ready to carry on with the day. However, that quickly changed when 40 minutes later the scene replayed again. This time I went to the office, and in a matter of moments 6 paramedics and many colleagues who quickly jumped into MoM MoDe were attending to my every need. After refusing the ambulance, Dan came and took me home where I remained on the couch until our appointment this afternoon.
Beautiful: It's amazing how data, lesson plans, and behavior issues seem so meaningless in a moment like this. The anxieties of a regular school day FaDe and colleagues become moms, friends and nurses all at once. The love and care I felt in this silly little moment was tremendous.
Lying on the couch, each little baby fluttery flip brought a deep sense of peace and joy after such a DrAmAtiC morning. Now more than ever I'm realizing the great gift within me. I can't quite put it to words, but I know that this chaos has brought me to a place of deeper connection with our little baby.
I felt like a mommy for the first time today. The doctor was searching for the heart beat in all the wrong places, and I knew exactly where our baby was, not on the sides but in the center. Sure enough when she finally moved to the center the 132 rhythm filled the air and my heart. How beautiful to think that those tiny flutters are felt by me and me alone, what a gift.
Grateful: So many dear ones carried me today. Our downstairs neighbor Jen found Dan when I could not reach him, Ontarioville School became a family to me, and the paramedics were so kind. Though I did not call out to the Lord for help in the midst of the chaos, He answered me.
Before you call, I answer.All of this happened before the kids came, I was able to make it inside and find people, and our little baby is safe, content, and fluttering more than ever. Stealing away all of my iron must be giving little Bailey a BoOsT of energy :)
Lord you are good. Thank you for being with us today.
